發(fā)布時(shí)間:2020-06-28 09:26:31來(lái)源:魔方格
雖然雅思小作文分?jǐn)?shù)比重小于大作文,但是小作文的寫作相對(duì)比較容易操作。在此建議備考時(shí)間充足的烤鴨們注重提升寫作實(shí)力和寫作速度。那么完成一篇小作文應(yīng)該從何做起呢? 我們首先分析一下6分餅圖范文,總結(jié)一些得分和十分的原因,做到心中有數(shù)。
C9T3——Band 6范文
The diagrams show statistic information regarding the ages of the habitants of Yemen and Italy in 2000 and also a estimative for 2050.
We can see that in 2000 the majority of people in Yemen was between 0 and 14 years old, whith 50.1%, whereas in Italy most of the population was between 15-59 years old (61.6%), in the same year. On the other hand, just 3.6% of people in the former country was 60 years old or more in 2000, while in the latter country this figure is represented with 24.1%.
The projections for 2050 show that the number of people with 15-59 years and 60 years or more will increase in Yemen, reaching 57.3% and 5.7% respectively. In contrast, in Italy, the population with 15-59 years will decrease to 46.2%, while people with 60 years or more will grow to 42.3%.
Overall, it is possible to see that there is an upward trend on the rates of people with 60 years or more in both countries.
下面我們結(jié)合考官評(píng)語(yǔ),認(rèn)真研讀這篇范文,明確得分點(diǎn)和扣分點(diǎn),讓我們對(duì)自己的寫作水平有更明確的衡量標(biāo)準(zhǔn)。
(1) 任務(wù)完成情況:
(得分原因)The answer addresses the task, “reporting sufficient details”(信息比較全面) for the reader to be “accurately informed”(信息準(zhǔn)確)
(失分原因)even though in each chart one element is “implied”(暗示) “rather than overtly stated”(沒有明確描述). (如范文第2段中沒有明確說明2000年也門15-59歲人口的比重以及意大利0到14歲的人口比重;再比如范文第3段中沒有明確說明兩個(gè)國(guó)家2050年0到14歲的人口比重)。
(得分原因) “Clear comparisons”(清晰的信息比較) are drawn between the two countries. An overview is given(總趨勢(shì)描述),
(失分原因) although focusing on only one age group reduces its clarity. (最后一段只總結(jié)了兩個(gè)國(guó)家60歲以上的人口的變化而忽視了另外兩個(gè)年齡段的總趨勢(shì)描述)。
(2) 連接性與連貫性:
(得分原因)The information is well organised and a range of linking devices used, e.g. whereas; the latter country.
以第二段為例讓我們一起體會(huì)連接詞的使用:
We can see that in 2000 the majority of people in Yemen was between 0 and 14 years old, with 50.1%, whereas in Italy most of the population was between 15-59 years old (61.6%), in the same year. On the other hand, just 3.6% of people in the former country was 60 years old or more in 2000, while in the latter country, this figure is represented with 24.1%.
(3) 詞匯:
(得分原因)”Vocabulary is adequate”(詞匯量和詞匯應(yīng)用準(zhǔn)確度足夠) for the task and “generally accurate”(基本準(zhǔn)確),
(失分原因)though attempt to use less common words are less successful. A few errors occur in word formation e.g. statistic (statistical); estimative(estimate), but they “do not affect understanding”(有錯(cuò)誤但是不影響理解).
(4) 語(yǔ)法:
(得分原因)Simple and complex sentence forms are produced with few grammatical errors,
(失分原因)but the range of structures is rather restricted(句式缺乏多樣性)
綜上我們根據(jù)“得分要素”總結(jié)答題步驟如下:
step1,找出要描述的信息的特征,比如占最多,增長(zhǎng)快,保持不變等等。找出可以用來(lái)比較的信息,比如共同點(diǎn),相反趨勢(shì)等等。
step2,組織段落,可以按趨勢(shì)分段,按比重分段,也可按時(shí)間分段。組織語(yǔ)言,盡可能把相關(guān)聯(lián)的內(nèi)容寫到一起,用連接詞銜接。
step3,歸納總趨勢(shì),找出最明顯的特征,最大變化,最有共性的信息等。
以下圖為例,烤鴨們自己來(lái)小試牛刀:
step1:首先信息選?。?/strong>
(1) working 和sleeping最多,但是一個(gè)增多,一個(gè)減少
(2) 同樣減少的是going out with friends or families
(3) 相反花在relaxing at home和traveling to work的時(shí)間都有不同程度的增加。
(4) 只有other interest and sport playing的時(shí)間沒有發(fā)生變化
step2:
開頭:改寫
第一段(1)(2)
第二段But on the other hand(3)
第三段In contrast,(4)
step3: overview(結(jié)尾)
The chart shows the percentage of time working adults spent the day on different activities in a particular country in 1985 and 2008